


Voyeur

by Nuredhel



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms
Genre: Abuse, Abuse of trust, Addiction, Blackmail, Dark fic, First Time, Grief, Healing, Humiliation, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, NSFW, Not for the faint of heart, Sexual Addiction, Shame, Slash, Sorrow, THIS IS VERY GRAPHIC, Torture, Violence, Voyeurism, Whipping, attempted suicide, deviant elves, love at last, rape/non con, wicked elf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:15:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuredhel/pseuds/Nuredhel
Summary: Lindir develops a most unfortunate and embarrassing addiction and he is unable to fight it. When it is discovered he is left with very few choices but discover that exposure maybe was the better option after all....This is a very dark story, it is not for the faint of heart and contains a lot of abuse and nasty scenes. Be warned.





	

Voyeour….

The first time it happened it had been an accident. He had returned to his chambers for the night and was ready to go to bed when he realized that he had forgotten to put his precious flutes back into the neat little box he usually kept them in. He sighed and started putting them into place and then he realized that one was missing. He blinked, it was a small flute, and it was among his favourites. Where could it be? Then it dawned upon him, he had been entertaining some guests of his lord that evening, down by the river and he had probably forgotten the thing there. It had been an unplanned little performance and he had placed his equipment and instruments on some rocks. The flute had probably fallen down between two rocks or something like that. He just hoped it wasn’t damaged, the instrument was made from wood and the air down there was always damp. He threw on a robe and ran out, it was getting dark and he wanted to find it and get to bed. He was tired after a long day and his bed was warm and comfortable and oh how he longed for a good night’s sleep. 

He ran down to the river, the valley was quiet now this late and the scent of the warm summer air was like a perfume. He was humming as he found his way down the paths to the spot by the river where he had played earlier that day and he found the open little plain easily. He went over to where he had been seated and yes, the flute had simply rolled off a rock and lay behind it, hidden from sight. He let out a sigh of relief and grinned, it was unharmed and he put it into his robes and started to walk back. He hadn’t come far before he heard something odd, a sort of moaning? Was someone hurt? He hesitated, then he slowly went onto the path leading towards the sound. It was a narrow one, rarely used and it was leading to a patch of trees growing by the river, it was a dense groove and the sound could be heard again. He bit his lower lip, uncertain of what to do. Then he moved forth, it was very dark down there and he lost the path, he just moved forth between the trees and saw something up ahead. Light?   
He was curious, what were anybody doing down there now? Fishing perhaps? A lamp was placed on the ground by a huge old oak and Lindir rounded a tree and then he saw. He just stood there, almost behind the tree, eyes wide open and his mouth agape too. Nobody were fishing, in fact he was staring at two elves fucking.   
At first he didn’t even realize what he was seeing for he was not prepared for anything like that and his mind sort of went blank. Lindir was a very innocent ellon,, he had never even kissed anyone and since he had been painfully shy his entire life his music was his only passion, besides serving his lord of course. He had never seen anything like this before, he hadn’t even seen any of the illustrated books in the library which explained the mysteries of these activities, he simply hadn’t been thinking about sex before. It was only because he wasn’t stupid he realized what they were doing, after all he was an adult and he had heard others talk about these kinds of pleasures. 

It was an ellon and an elleth and she was being lifted up against the oak and her legs were wrapped around the ellon’s waist. He was eagerly thrusting into her and they both were moaning and gasping. Lindir felt his cheeks turn bright red, in fact his ears too were turning red and he held a hand in front of his mouth, just out of sheer shock, He wanted to turn around and flee but he couldn’t, he was simply frozen to the spot due to sheer shock. The elleth was tossing her head back, almost yelling and he could see her breasts bounce and she was clawing at her lover’s shoulders. The way she shuddered indicated that she was climaxing and the ellon followed suit with a deep groan. 

Lindir just stood there, so embarrassed he wanted to die, oh how he wished the ground could open up and swallow him. He whimpered and then he managed to break out of the paralysis. He turned around and almost ran back to the main path, trying desperately not to make any noise and he ran like he was being chased by orcs until he reached his chambers and rushed in like his clothes were on fire. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it for a while, eyes closed and heaving for air. Oh Eru, it had been horrible, he felt his skin still burning with shame and he was trembling. What if they had noticed him, by every one of the valar and the maiar, he would have faded from the sheer embarrassment. He groaned and put the flute back into the box, well, he hadn’t been seen and nobody were ever to know, it had been an accident. He would have some problems if he was to meet that couple again over the next few days but other than that, no harm was done. He was after all a mature ellon, not a child. 

He went to bed after having brewed himself a huge calming cup of tea and he told himself that he would have forgotten all about the thing he had seen come the morrow just before he drifted off into reverie. Unfortunately he was wrong, dead wrong. He woke up with a start, feeling very odd. He had never experienced this particular emotion before and blinked in absolute confusion, he felt warm and his heart was hammering and there was a sort of aching feeling he hadn’t felt before. He looked down and yelped, lifted his blanket and stared at himself. He was hard, and that to a degree where it actually hurt. He did of course get erections every now and then but he knew they were just the body’s way of ensuring the health of that particular body part and he had never felt any sort of need to do anything about it. It just went away by itself after a while. But this, oh Eru, what was happening to him? He gasped and felt sweat pouring off of him, he had been dreaming something, what? Then he remembered, he had been in the woods by the river again, watching that couple and the mere thought made his cock throb and twitch and he felt some sort of sticky liquid welling up and forming beads which ran slowly down the shaft. 

He whimpered, what was he to do? It almost hurt, damnation, he should never have followed those sounds. He had heard some Ellyn talking about touching oneself, to create pleasure. Maybe? He took a deep breath and let his hand slide downwards, almost nervously. He had never done this before, had never felt the urge to touch himself in such a manner and he yelped when his hand touched the aching length. It felt like an electric shock, his legs trembled and he let out a loud squeak. Valar, it felt…he couldn’t even describe it. He gasped for air as he started to stroke himself, sheer instinct guiding his moves. He was writhing against the sheets, eyes closed and face contorted by the intense sensations he suddenly was creating for himself. Before long he was desperately thrusting into his own grip, the amount of pre cum enough to make the grip slick and it felt so good he could have died. He let his other hand roam all over his skin, suddenly his nipples felt so sensitive and he let out a yelp as he let a finger slide over one, it sent an intense wave straight to his groin and he was almost sobbing by now. 

He had no way of controlling this, he was in for the ride and as his free hand slid down and cupped his balls everything went blank. His entire body tensed up, every muscle and cell trembling as the tension reached its absolute maximum and he feared for a moment that his heart was about to stop. Then it all exploded and he keened as his muscles were grasped by spasms and the most intense pleasure he had ever felt shot through his entire body. Hot liquid spurted out of him and painted his belly and chest with white streaks and he kept keening until it slowly let go of him and he was limp and boneless and heavy like a boulder. He couldn’t move, he was bloody sure, he was more relaxed than ever before in his life and he just laid there with a silly grin all over his face. Oh Eru, how could anything really feel that wonderful? It had been mindblowing, so good there wasn’t even words to describe the feeling. He of course knew it had been an orgasm, but he had been sure others exaggerated when they told how good it felt. Now he knew that they had told the truth and he just laid there in absolute bliss for a while before the seed on his skin started to crust and feel cold and he got up very reluctantly and washed off. The smell made him wrinkle his nose and he was slightly disgusted but oh valar, it had been awesome. 

He laid back and closed his eyes again, still feeling oddly giddy. Now he knew what it was that the others talked about, he wasn’t ignorant anymore. He fell asleep and did sleep the rest of the night, without even dreaming. The next day he was in a very good mood and he kept whistling as he performed his duties. As the lords own personal assistant he had quite a lot to do and Elrond did notice his bright smile this morning and his merry whistling. He was glad his assistant obviously were in a good mood, Lindir was such a sweet ellon, so dedicated to his duty and he ignored himself most of the time. He deserved some happiness, it was too bad he never sought the company of others. Elrond had tried to introduce him to other young elves but Lindir would always retreat politely to return to his music and he had no close friends. It was sad but Elrond couldn’t do much about that, Lindir was no elfling and he ought to be allowed to rule his own life.

For the rest of that day Lindir was smiling and being unusually jolly and the day after he was more or less back to normal. Doing his work as usual, being polite and quiet and just there. He had chosen to forget about the incident by the river and he did too, for a while. Then he started waking up at night again, with an odd sensation of just need, he couldn’t describe it otherwise. Now he knew how to please himself and he did that, but somehow it wasn’t enough after the first couple of weeks. He somehow needed more, something different. 

Thinking about the couple he had seen just didn’t do it anymore, the memory sort of worn out. He didn’t dare to go to the library, the books with erotic illustrations were placed on shelves where everybody could see whoever took them down off the shelf and he would rather die than risk that anybody caught him reading such literature. And so he fought his own thoughts and newly awakened desire for some weeks until he couldn’t fight the temptation any longer. He went to the river again, it was summer and warm and he hoped that perhaps more than just one couple would come to the secluded little spot to have some fun. 

The first nights he sat there in the bushes all alone and felt like a pervert and a looser, he was sick, twisted and just wrong for wanting what he did. Making love was after all the most private thing you can do and wanting to peep at someone while they were at it was something he just found disgusting and yet he needed it. He would see one more couple do it, then he would be cured and able to control himself again and he would never have to do it again for sure. He would be able to counteract the effect of what he had seen back then and things would return to normal. He was sure of it, it would be alright again.

The fourth night someone did come, two of the guards who worked watching the border and Lindir was disappointed at first for they were both male. But then he realized that yes, also males can have sex with each other and for some reason it turned him on very fast. He was biting into his own arm to choke his own moans and he had hidden well, inside of a bush under a fallen tree so nobody would see him. At first he had decided that he was only going to watch, and then return home but his hands were almost moving on their own, down into his pants. He unlaced them and pushed then out of the way and he almost jumped when he felt his own touch. Before long he was busy stroking his cock vigorously and doing it while watching those two fuck made it even more intense and so good.   
He couldn’t take his eyes off them, listening to the sounds, even smelling the scent of the two aroused males. When he came he was close to passing out and he coated the grass in front of him with an unholy amount of cum before he fell onto his side, trembling like a leaf. The two guards were too busy with each other to notice and when they left he was still there, in a haze of ecstasy and pleasure.   
He did it again when he returned home and slept like a log and the next day he was once again very jolly and relaxed but he was also sort of nervous. What if someone had discovered him? That was a very sobering thought, he loved working for Elrond and was so proud of his job and title and he didn’t want to disappoint his lord, not in any way. He had to stop this, if Elrond found out he would be disgusted and shocked and Lindir would probably lose his position and be told to leave. For some days he managed to forget all about these new lusts, he was busy with making lists for the kitchen, they needed the ones responsible for the gardens to plant certain herbs and he made sure that the lists were complete. Then he helped Elrond copy some old documents and the days were long and exhausting. But the need awakened again and now he simply couldn’t resist, he felt like the worst wretch in the world but he had to do it again, the excitement of watching, of maybe being caught had sunk its claws deep into him and he felt so alive when he sat there, hidden and silent. 

The mere idea of trying to find someone to spy upon made him almost giddy, like he was drunk and he started to roam the valley every night, seeking that satisfaction. He felt so guilty every time he did it, but he couldn’t help himself, he needed it more and more, like he needed air to breathe. Just touching himself when he was alone in his room wasn’t enough, it didn’t satisfy him. He needed that added thrill to come and if he spent a night outside and didn’t find anyone he felt terrible the day after, like there were ants crawling all over his skin. Elrond did notice that Lindir was acting very strangely. He was nervous, would jump at the smallest sound, he seemed distracted and had a very short fuse and there were dark rings under his eyes and had he lost weight to? Elrond wanted to ask his dear assistant if there was something he could help the young elf with but he never had the time, nor the opportunity. Lindir would sometimes act as if he was high on something, giddy and grinning and being just too happy and then he would seem dark and gloomy again for days, barely answering when spoken too and snapping even. He had never done that before. 

Lindir needed it now, desperately. He didn’t feel well unless he had managed to come at least once each night and he was spying on everybody, hoping to see something which would arouse him and help him find some relief. He would sneak around the homes, peep in through the windows. He would hang around the barracks and hope to see some of the warriors having a tryst in the dark corners. He would stalk the kitchen maidens, the stable workers and just about anybody who possibly could have a lover. It never left him alone, and he hated himself more and more for being so weak, so disgusting. He tried to fight it, every night he tried to choke that little voice in his head that told him to go out there and get what he needed but it was too strong, too tempting. When he came hard, seeing others fuck, he felt like he could do anything, like the world was a good place. It made him feel such pleasure and such euphoria and yet it was never enough, he always craved for more. He even watched two of the warriors and one of the kitchen maids having a threesome in the barn and that made him come twice and it was so overwhelming it almost made him reveal that he was there. 

But it had a horrible effect on him, he could no longer concentrate upon anything, he had no appetite for all he could think about was where he would go to get what he needed that night and he no longer played. Instead of going to the halls with the other musicians he hid in the bushes somewhere, aching for satisfaction. He had lost weight, his face looked more and more haunted and he got more and more afraid of being caught and yet the need was too strong to be subdued. He got careless when it came to his work, sloppy even at times and he took shortcuts which he never would have even considered before. The day was just wasted time, it was the night which mattered, and what he could hope to see then. 

He often wept himself to sleep, his cock sore and his balls aching and he felt faint and weak and oh so horribly terribly dirty. There was something wrong with him for sure, no elf ought to act thus, he was some abomination. Then he discovered the medicine Elrond gave elves who had problems sleeping and for a few weeks he was in heaven. He nicked a whole bottle from the infirmary and each night he took several pills and slept through the night like a kid. He had solved it, the problem was gone, he was saved. His good mood returned, he ate again and started playing and Elrond was relieved, perhaps Lindir just had felt a bit down for a while, he was young and perhaps he had suffered from a bout of love sickness or something like that. After all, it was summer, and romance was in the air. Lindir was never bold enough to approach anyone and Elrond felt sorry for him, he really did. He just hoped that the young minstrel would meet someone special one day, someone to make his heart whole. 

The minstrel was happy, he had found the solution and he dared to lift his head and look people in the eye once more. But using sleeping pills did have some odd side effects and he often felt drowsy the whole day and he became a bit sluggish too. It was a small price to pay though and he managed to hide it all for yet a few weeks. Then he ran out of sleeping medicine and things took a turn for the worse. At first things were fine and he was sure he had overcome that terrible annoying and embarrassing need but no. He woke up one night, achingly hard and desperate and even though he did stroke himself for almost an hour he didn’t manage to come. His body was in on it, but his head was not, he needed visual stimuli to be able to get some satisfaction. He got out of bed, staggering like a drunk and threw a robe over himself before he once more returned to the old habit. It was getting colder by now, autumn was coming and few people would do it outside anymore, he was getting desperate. He even hid inside of houses to see if the inhabitants would do it that night and he wished he was dead. Why couldn’t he control himself? Why was he so weak! The thought of self castration did drop into his head a few times but he was too afraid of pain and Elrond would find out, for sure. Once again he was acting like a madman and this time it was worse than ever. He could find no peace at all, the overwhelming burning NEED all that was, and he had no idea of what to do. 

Elrond received some guests, some scholars from Mirkwood, ancient sindar who had followed Oropher out of Doriath and they were wise and seemed very strict and not overly impressed with anything they saw there. Lindir had to perform a few times for their entertainment and he tried to pretend as if nothing was wrong. The good thing was that he was so accustomed to singing and playing he didn’t really have to put his mind into it to be able to do a decent job. The scholars were often seen walking around in small groups, chatting in Sindarin and Lindir had an odd sensation that they were seeing straight through him. It was something about those pale blue eyes that was unsettling to say the least. Lindir was still prowling the surrounding area each night, desperate to see something which could help him achieve at least some hours of peace and one night he had returned to the plain by the river. It was rather warm down there still and he was hidden in his usual spot. To his relief a couple had showed up there and he had watched them for a while, stroking himself until he finally found some relief. The couple left hand in hand and he tucked himself away and prepared to get up and leave too when he heard a voice straight behind him and his heart almost stopped. “So, the good lord Elrond does have a peeping tom in his service, how interesting” 

It was one of the scholars, the one named Aerion and he stood there in his wide brownish robes and stared at Lindir the same way you stare at a piece of dogshit stuck on your boot. Lindir couldn’t move, his eyes wide with shock and fear and he just knew that Aerion had stood there the whole time, watched what he had done. His bones felt as if they had melted, his stomach heavy and cold and he was unable to make even the slightest sound. Aerion made a grimace. “I wonder what your lord will say if I were to tell him of this, I am sure he would find the piece of information very valuable.” 

Lindir was sure he would faint, oh Eru no! He managed to squeak something barely audible. “Please, don’t…”

Aerion bent down, grasped him by his collar and more or less hoisted him up. “Don’t? you are a filthy little thing now aren’t you? Do you want me to sacrifice my own honour to preserve your little dirty secret? I saw you, touching yourself in the most vile manner while watching that couple act like animals. No, Elrond must be informed of this, there is no other choice” 

Lindir whimpered, he felt dizzy with horror. “I..i will do anything…just…please” 

His voice was thin, shivering and tears had started flowing down his cheeks. Aerion frowned, “Anything you say? Hmm, now I may be able to flush those sinful thoughts from your mind. Yes, I will try at least” 

Lindir stared at the tall sinda and he felt like a mouse caught in front of a hungry snake. “Ah?” 

He wasn’t able to say anything else than just that and Aerion grasped him by his chin and stared straight at his face. “You will come to my chamber tomorrow by noon, then I will see if there is anything I can do. If you don’t show up I will go straight to Elrond, got it?” 

Lindir could only nod, his gut still a simmering void of shock and fear and Aerion slapped him across the back of his head. “I will see you then” 

The sinda just turned around and walked off and Lindir stood there on shaking legs, not really knowing what had happened. He had to go to the scholars chamber the next day, come what may. He couldn’t bare the thought of Elrond finding out about his depravity. He walked slowly back to his own rooms, looking as if he was heading for his own execution. He didn’t sleep that night, he just kept writhing around, caught between confusion and fear. The next morning he did his duties and tried to hide his nervousness, he had no idea of what the sinda had meant by his words and he wanted to just curl up somewhere and weep but he couldn’t. He walked to Aerions chamber by noon, knocked and the door opened right away. The sinda stood there with a cold smile and there was a hint of triumph in his eyes. “So, the wanker has chosen to show up, excellent” 

Lindir was almost hauled into the room and he felt himself shiver all over. Aerion almost sneered. “To imagine that such filth exist within this lovely valley, do you have no shame ellon?” 

Lindir tried to open his mouth to say something but Aerion grasped him by his long dark hair and pushed him into the centre of the room. The sinda just shook his head, in open disgust and Lindir felt like the worst little piece of shit there ever were. He tried to keep his composure but failed, he was trembling like a leaf in the wind. “But I am going to be merciful, I may not tell Elrond if you prove worthy. “ 

Lindir didn’t understand and he turned his head with a puzzled expression on his face, only to be struck over his ear and he had never thought that it could hurt that bad. He let out a loud yelp and Aerion pulled his head back rather brutally. “Such depravity must be punished, must be flushed out. You do not deserve kindness of any sorts but I am soft of heart and I will do my outmost to make sure that you are freed from this filth” 

Aerion tugged at his hair again. “You do agree now don’t you, you deserve punishment!”  
Lindir felt tears flowing down his cheeks. “Y…yes” 

Aerion almost purred. “Good, good boy, you are not a lost case then. First, strip!”

Lindir gasped and his eyes flickered, strip? Aerion struck him again and hissed. “You heard me, off with the rags. Do you wish for me to tell your master of the things you have been doing?” 

Lindir shook his head vigorously, terrified of that option. He hurried to get rid of his clothes and Aerion smiled, a slow and almost devious grin. “Who would have thought that such a debauched elf could be that beautiful, but like they say, wickedness is often camouflaged as beauty. I am gonna give you the punishment you deserve.” 

Lindir stood there, feeling terribly exposed and insecure. He had no idea of what Aerion was about to do and he knew that the sinda was right, he ought to be punished, heck, he didn’t deserve to live among elves at all. He was no better than an orc! Suddenly his wrists were caught by strong hands and before he really knew of it his hands were tied behind his back and he was pushed down onto his knees. He tried to struggle and was struck again, Aerion hissed with anger. “Do not resist, you know that this is what you want, what you deserve.” 

Lindir sobbed, breathing hard and feeling himself shiver all over. Aerion started walking around him in circles, the eyes so cold and condemning and the minstrel felt worthless, like a piece of dust in a corner. “You like it don’t you, glaring at people while they fuck? You rut like an orc, soiling yourself in the worst possible manner. Oh I can see it in you, you are no better than a lowly human” 

Aerion bent down, his voice almost a whisper. “What do you prefer? Males or females, or perhaps both? Do you like to watch while they kiss and lick and suck? I bet you get off while seeing cocks going in and out of both cunts and asses.” 

Lindir gasped, how could Aerion know? The sinda let out a sort of scoff. “Look at yourself, filth! Even the mere idea turns you on now doesn’t it?” 

Lindir stared down, oh no, he was hard again and Aerion grinned, a narrow and hard grin with no teeth. “Show me, do it right now.” 

Lindir froze. “What?” 

Aerion grasped a lock of his hair and pulled hard. Lindir whimpered from the pain. “What you do while watching, spying.” 

The minstrel didn’t believe it, why would Aerion want to watch him wank off? “But…” 

Aerion tightened the grip. “Do it now!! Or else I will make sure that the whole valley is told of your sin” 

Lindir gasped and nodded, his hands were freed and he whimpered as he slowly started to stroke himself, Aerion looked pleased. “Good, you would like to be out there now wouldn’t you, watch someone couple? Perhaps you even would like to join them, maybe fuck some elleths tight cunt while your own ass is being filled by a vigorous ellon? I bet you would, you are such a little whore” 

Lindir gasped, the words created such images in his mind and he couldn’t help it, he had to speed up and his body tensed, Aerion chuckled. “Oh I was right now wasn’t I, you really are a whore, worthless and wanton like a bitch in heat.” 

Aerion picked up something from a table, it was a book and he opened it and showed it to Lindir. “Keep going now, look at this, isn’t it tempting? Isn’t it what you would love to do?” 

It was a drawing, of an ellon being tied down while another one obviously fucked his ass really hard, the drawing was filthy and extremely realistic and Lindir squeaked. Oh no, he reacted to seeing it, he was getting close now and Aerion turned the page, the next image showed an elleth being penetrated by two Ellyn at the same time and Lindir sobbed with shame, Eru no, he was surely just what Aerion called him. A whore, a shame for the entire valley. Aerion bent down, caressed Lindir’s cheek almost lovingly. “Go on, come. Let me hear that lovely voice of yours” 

Lindir sobbed and Aerion bent even further down and caressed his balls and Lindir let out a gasp as he suddenly felt the first tell tale signs of orgasm. He let out a wailing cry and shuddered, coating his hand with seed and Aerion chuckled lowly. “Oh yes, I was right about you, so depraved.” 

He grasped Lindir by the wrists again and his hands were tied behind his back once more. “But I will help you, worry not. I am very generous.” 

He opened a cupboard and brought something from it, Lindir didn’t see what it was and he didn’t care. He was weeping and shivering with shame and he just knew that he was such a disgusting creature. Aerion pushed him so he was leaning forward, rather roughly. “The first part of the punishment is one I know all about and it is very efficient too. “

Lindir didn’t understand before Aerion held the object up in front of him, it was a sort of whip, not very long but flexible and suddenly fear flooded the young ellon. It was vicious looking and he yelped and tried to get to his feet again. Aerion kicked him in his ribs. “Now, be a good boy and take the punishment you deserve, you ought to be grateful I do care enough to do this, I should really just tell everybody that you have been sneaking around, spurting come everywhere while spying on them”

Lindir sobbed, valar, Aerion was right, he did deserve it. Aerion raised a hand and Lindir jerked as a red hot pain suddenly spread across his buttocks. He had to let out a yelp of pain and Aerion nodded. “Oh yes, there is nothing like a bit pain to flush such filthy lusts out of the system. “ 

Lindir soon screamed, the hits came frequently and they were hard and his entire backside felt as if it was in fire. But Aerion didn’t stop, he kept hitting and hitting and Lindir feared that the pain would kill him, perhaps that would be for the best, he didn’t deserve to live. When Aerion finally stopped Lindir felt blood trickling down his back and thighs and he was trembling all over, the agony was unimaginable and he was close to passing out. Aerion threw the bloody whip aside, sneering. “See? Now that is what you deserve, don’t you agree?” 

Lindir was barely able to nod and the sinda grinned, a rather vicious grin. “Such little whores as you cannot be weaned off this so fast, oh no. It takes time, and effort. Be glad I do have both patience and understanding” 

He lifted Lindir a bit so he was sitting again, the minstrel was barely able to stay upright. “You are so wicked you know, look, you even tempt me you little cunt” 

The sinda opened his robes and Lindir stared straight at the ellons crotch, he was hard and Lindir squeaked with disgust and shock. He had never been that close to another male before and suddenly panic flushed through him and he tried to get up again. Aerion growled. “Oh no you don’t, you are gonna help me get rid of the problem you have caused.” 

He grasped the minstrel by the chin and lifted his face, Lindir didn’t understand until Aerion pushed the spongy head of his cock against his lips and Lindir suddenly felt terribly nauseous. “You do as I tell you to do, or else I will go to your lord right now” 

Lindir trembled, the mere idea of sucking someone off was horrible, he felt warm tears flowing like a river down his cheeks but there was no way out now. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth hesitantly, Aerion grasped his head and pushed his fingers against his cheeks so he couldn’t bite down. Lindir was dizzy, it all felt so unreal, it couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be happening and yet it was. He felt the huge head being pushed into his mouth and he immediately gagged and tried to spit but he couldn’t. His head was held as if in a vice and Aerion started to thrust hard and deep and Lindir struggled to breathe, making coughing sounds, his body shaking violently. He just had to endure, praying for it to be over soon. He had never thought that anything this disgusting would happen to him and yet he knew that it was nothing he didn’t deserve. Aerion tensed up and let out a howl and then he pulled out and spurted hot slimy liquid all over Lindir’s face. 

The minstrel retched, again and again and Aerion squeezed the last drops out of his softening cock and smeared it over Lindir’s lips. “You lick that off like a good little slut, go on” 

Lindir tried, the salty bitter taste turned retching into immediate puking and he fell onto his side, convulsing. His arms hurt terribly and he was so terribly cold, and ashamed. Aerion cursed and kicked him. “Ungrateful beast, here I am trying to help you overcome your deviation and see what you do? Spew filth all over these lovely floors. “ 

Lindir was yanked up by his hair and he let out a shriek of pain. “I am tempted to just throw you out like this but at least there is one civilized person in this room. I am so much more than you, you little noldorin tart” 

The sinda went over to the bath chamber door and went in, he returned with a wet cloth and started to wash some of the blood of the trembling minstrel. Lindir wailed, it hurt even worse than before and Aerion almost spat. “Silent! You are so weak, I really ought to let you continue to bleed!” 

Lindir was too horrified to say anything, to do even the smallest thing to protect himself. He just let the sinda, wash his back, then he poured something into the wounds from a bottle and it burned so intensely Lindir couldn’t even scream, even if he wanted to. Aerion then got Lindir up on his feet and threw a robe onto him. “Now, you go back home and tomorrow you return for another lesson, is that clear?” 

Lindir heaved for air. “Please, no, I cannot….” 

Aerion cocked his head. “No? but you can crawl around in the woods like some animal, satisfying your disgusting habit? Is that what you are saying?” 

Lindir just gaped, unable to say anything more and Aerion stared him straight in the eye. “You will return, or I will tell Elrond how you have been spying on couples, and how you very eagerly sucked me off in exchange for my silence” 

Lindir just stared, eyes huge with disbelief. “But, I wasn’t…” 

Aerion smiled, a very slow smile that reminded him of a crocodile he had seen on a drawing some years ago. “No? But who is to tell? It will be my word against yours little songbird, and I bet the lord will prefer to believe me.” 

Aerion smacked him over the ear again and Lindir yelped. “Go, be grateful I am here to cleanse you. “ 

Lindir could barely walk, he stumbled out the door, praying to Eru that he wouldn’t meet anyone. His chambers were not far from the ones the guests had gotten and he managed to get in through the door, shaking all over with pain and blood loss. He wobbled into the bathroom and let the robe fall, it felt as if he had been skinned and when he saw his reflection in the mirror he realized that yes, it was almost as bad as if someone indeed had tried to skin him alive. The entire lower back and buttocks were covered with deep gashes, most had gone through the skin and he felt the need to retch once more.   
Eru’s mercy, he was such an abomination, Aerion had been right to whip him thus. He managed to get onto the bed, laid down on his belly after having washed his face. He was terrified, both of what Aerion would do the next day and of Elrond finding out. He did fall asleep but that was just because he was exhausted and when he woke up he was so sore he could barely move. He managed to wrap some old cloth over his wounds and got his clothes on even though every move burned like fire. He did have some tea for he was terribly thirsty and he walked to work very slowly, trying desperately to hide the marks on his wrists and his pain. Luckily the only duty that morning was tidying Elrond’s office and then cataloguing some new books Erestor had bought. It was done easily even with his pain and he then spent some time in the library, trying to gather his courage. 

He was so alone, he had never felt that way before but now he did. There were nobody he could confide in, nobody to understand his predicament and he sat behind some shelves crying for several hours. But he had been whipped, what could possibly be worse than that? Maybe it actually would work? He still had some hope it would, that it would cure him of his addiction. So he did go to Aerion’s rooms again, his heart beating hard in his chest, and his mouth completely dry. Aerion was waiting, eyes cold as before and that sardonic smile on his lips. “Good, you do know your own good, do come inn” 

Lindir entered and Aerion smiled, help up a cup of wine. “Here, you were a good boy last night, you deserve it” 

The words of praise were eagerly devoured, Lindir felt an odd sensation of relief knowing that Aerion had been pleased with him. The wine was a bit bitter and Lindir made a grimace, but he did drink it all, he was still thirsty. Aerion stood there with his arms crossed in front of his chest, he tilted his head. “Today we are gonna see if I can get that last piece of sinfulness out of you. “ 

He went over and started to undress the minstrel and Lindir felt himself tense up, fear flowed through his veins once more, there was something odd in Aerion’s eyes, something Lindir never had seen before. A sort of dark joy perhaps, of superiority. Lindir felt the urge to cover himself with his hands and Aerion shook his head. “You do exactly what I tell you to do, so no covering up” 

Lindir obeyed, slowly. Aerion caressed his cheek once more, almost lovingly. “I bet you have peeped at almost everyone in this valley right? How do you think they would feel if they found out that you had used them, abused them even, to fulfil your own filthy appetite? I bet they would feel both disgusted and shocked, and used too” 

Lindir blinked. “But I never…” 

Aerion squeezed the sensitive tip of his ear and the minstrel yipped, it hurt intensely and he cringed. “Oh but you don’t have to touch anyone to abuse them, you abused the trust the good lord have in you, the trust of these admirable elves. All too be able to seek some fleeting seconds of pleasure. Do you understand?” 

Lindir nodded, shame overwhelming him. Aerion was right, of course he was right. Lindir had really used everyone and he had never felt more miserable. Aerion smiled, an almost friendly smile. “But all sins can be paid for right? Can be atoned for. And that is what we are to do today, you are to pay for what you have done. “

Lindir felt odd, warmer than he ought to be and his heart was speeding up, what was this? Oh no, he was getting an erection again and he stared at Aerion in disbelief. The sinda just grinned. “Oh it is the wine, I added some herbs, to get the effect I need. You are really gonna learn what it means to be a slut now, and when we are done I am sure you never will return to your old habits” 

Lindir could only whisper. “You…you have drugged me?!”

Aerion nodded and the smile changed. “Yes, you are mine now, mine to do whatever I please with, for I am the only one who can save you from yourself. You are my bitch now little bird, until I have cured you!”

Lindir let out a squeak and tried to turn, he wanted to get out of there for he started to realize that something was wrong with Aerion, something way worse than his own problem but the sinda grasped his hair and yanked him down onto the bed. Many of the wounds reopened and Lindir screamed in pain. He tried to get back up but there were ropes hidden in the sheets and suddenly he was tied down and a piece of cloth was tied around his head and pushed into his mouth, stifling his cries. He was terrified and yet he was hard and aching and Aerion grinned and sat down between his legs, started yanking at his cock. It hurt and Lindir tried to kick and writhe but he wasn’t strong enough.   
He just knew it, this wouldn’t end well, he could only pray for Eru to be merciful. The next hours became a living nightmare of agony and pleasure, Aerion would make him come and then do something incredibly painful like cutting his skin and rubbing the cuts with something which made it sting horribly. Lindir was weeping, screaming, begging for mercy but no words escaped the gag. He was bleeding again, and yet his body stayed aroused, and needful. Aerion would lay down and rut against the trembling minstrel, stroke them both with one hand, tease and whisper such unbelievable filth to the young minstrel. He would suck Lindir’s nipples until he almost came, then bite them and have the ellon shriek in agony. He put some sort of device onto Lindir’s cock and balls that stopped him from spilling no matter how hard he did come and soon it hurt so bad Lindir was afraid it would kill him. He was wishing for Namo to come and get him, it didn’t matter if he was sent to the void for his depravity, he just wanted this to stop. 

Aerion almost purred as he stroked Lindir to yet another orgasm with no release. “It hurts doesn’t it? Being used? Remember this for the future” 

Lindir screamed in pain and Aerion panted, his eyes dark with lust. “You are so lovely like that, helpless and oh so vulnerable. I like that, I bet you have learned your lesson now. But there is yet more to learn” 

Aerion got up and loosened the ropes and he suddenly flipped Lindir over on his belly and tightened the ropes again, attached them to the bedposts. Now he was on his knees and Lindir started to struggle but to no avail. The ropes so tight he was held up by them and he tried to lay down again but he couldn’t without dislocating his shoulders. Tears dripped down onto the sheets, how had he gotten himself into this mess?  
Oh yes, by being an idiot, a lust driven debauched fool! Aerion smacked him across the bottom. “The teacher deserves a reward too don’t you think? I have been patient with you, and kinder than you deserve” 

Lindir shook his head in helpless denial but Aerion grasped a vial of something and got on his knees behind the minstrel. Lindir realized what was about to happen and he started to pull against the ropes, to writhe and kick and he fought, he fought with all his remaining strength and yet it wasn’t enough. Aerion grasped him by his hips and suddenly something hard and hot and way too large was being pushed into him and Lindir screamed until he felt as if his vocal cords would snap. It hurt, Namo’s mercy how it burned, he was being split in half, he could just gasp for air and he felt himself slowly go cold all over as Aerion started to thrust brutally.   
He gave up, surrendered. He just hung there, impaled upon the Sinda’s throbbing member, broken and utterly miserable. He was barely breathing and wondered if it really was true that elves could die from being raped, for this was rape, he just knew it was. He hadn’t agreed upon any of this. He was numb all over and Aerion grasped his long hair and forced him to arch his back, the pain got even more intense and Lindir keened, he was seeing sparks. 

Aerion then reached beneath a pillow and fished out a long cord, wrapped it around Lindir’s neck and started to tighten it. Panic struck him again, he couldn’t breathe! Suddenly his body was struggling against the onset of asphyxiation and if his hands had been free he would have been clawing at the rope to get it off. Aerion was panting and grunting, making obscene sounds. “Yes, just like that you little whore, push that tight little ass of yours tighter against me” 

Lindir was sure that Aerion would kill him, choke him. He was seeing black dots and heard his own wheezing attempts at drawing breath. He couldn’t even pray, he was fighting for his very life and yet his body seemed to just give in, like it didn’t want to go on. Aerion chuckled and the sound was evil, the minstrel just knew it. The sinda grasped onto the ring he had placed around the minstrels cock and balls and removed it and Lindir felt his whole body shake with an almighty spasm as he came suddenly and violently. He couldn’t scream, couldn’t breathe, just shudder as if dying. He saw the thick streaks of cum he spurted over the sheets and there was blood in it, the last bursts were more blood than seed and he knew he was injured somehow.   
Aerion groaned loudly and pushed in as far as he could come before he started to throb and filled the shuddering body with his essence. He let go of the rope now, almost reluctantly and Lindir wheezed and hacked and coughed, desperate for air. He felt so dizzy and weak and Aerion pulled out and Lindir felt how warm sticky liquid started dribbling down his legs and sobbed. He was ruined, soiled. This was beyond punishment, this was beyond anything he had deserved, this was torture. 

Aerion laid down next to him, without untying the ropes. “You know what little noldo, your ass wasn’t too bad. But I have had better, even orcs.” 

Lindir just wheezed and his throat felt raw and too tight, Aerion grasped some of the cum on the sheet and rubbed it into his hair, slowly and deliberately. “There, just fitting for such a lusty slut as you. Do you know that the best thing about going to war is prisoners? We used to catch some orcs and choke them while we fucked their asses, if you made them go into death spasms just as you came, oh Eru, that was marvellous.” 

Lindir felt sick, revolted and terrified. He had thought he was depraved but this? This was so much worse. Aerion grinned and got back up. “Ready for round two?” 

Lindir keened with fear, tried to fight again but Aerion took him once more, and the pain was even worse now. He knew he was in the hands of a lunatic, and there was no escape. He didn’t know how he survived, Aerion raped him several times, he even found some sort of toy with some odd edges on it and shoved it into the struggling body. That made Lindir pass out from the agony and when he did come too again Aerion fucked his mouth once more and came over his face. Lindir didn’t try to resist, he was just passive, driven too far. Aerion untied him and kissed him, an obscene and rather disgusting gesture since he lapped some of the cum off the minstrels face. “ See? I bet you will remember me now, and don’t you dare to say anything about this for I will make sure that nobody ever will want to even look at you again”

Lindir just nodded, unable to speak, too horrified to think. Aerion pulled his robes onto him and practically shoved him out of the door. “Remember, not a word, or everybody will find out just what you are” 

Lindir was almost too weak to walk, he stumbled back home, going more on instinct than on conscious thought. He just stood in the middle of the room, weeping silently. He felt as if there was filth clinging to his skin everywhere, blood was trickling down his legs and his entire body hurt. How was he to face others now, knowing what had been done to him? Who would ever love him? Even offer a hand in friendship? He keened, why hadn’t Namo come for him already? He was disgusting, dirty. He shouldn’t be there. He staggered into the bathroom and his eyes fell on the bathtub and the sharp knife he used to trim his hair. Yes, that was the solution, the only one. They shouldn’t have to live with something like him in their midst. A hot bath, and then… he didn’t care, the halls seemed so much better than this cold world. He let the robe fall, poured the bathtub full of hot water and it was such a relief to feel it embrace him, it washed away some of the stench, some of the pain. He grasped the knife and closed his eyes, yes, it was most definitely for the best, Aerion would have no reason to tell Elrond now, none at all. Nobody would find out about his deep dark secret. He was so numb there was little pain and he just let the knife fall into the water and laid back, it shouldn’t take too long. 

 

Elrond came into his office at the regular time and frowned, his desk was just like he had left it the day before? Lindir hadn’t been there to put away the used papers, nor had he sorted out the documents. Lindir had acted strange again for the last weeks and Elrond had become very worried for his minstrel. The last days he had been worse than ever and the healer felt a cold chill go down his spine, Lindir had never failed to show up for work, never. He clenched his teeth together, he hated to invade someone’s privacy but he felt that something was off and he made a swift decision. Erestor entered the office behind him and Elrond turned around. “Have you seen Lindir today? He haven’t showed up for work, and I am worried” 

Erestor shook his head. “I haven’t seen him no? But I think I saw him yesterday, or at least I think it was him, but he was coming from the guest rooms?”

Elrond frowned. “Really? Did he see you?” 

Erestor shook his head. “No, he didn’t. I was hidden in the shadows” 

Elrond bit his lower lip. “Right, get two guards, we are going to his chambers, I feel that something is off.” 

Erestor ran out and returned with two of the guards and they ran to Lindir’s rooms. Elrond knocked and there was no sound. He hesitated, just entering a room like that without having the owner’s consent was going against his very personality but he had to. He opened the door, It wasn’t locked and he called out. “Lindir? Are you in here?” 

No sound but one of the guards pointed at the floor. A robe lay there, and it was bloody. Erestor turned around, staring at the door to the bath chamber and he suddenly whimpered. “E…Elrond…!”

Elrond saw, a trickle of red which was visible under the door, he swore and ran, shoved the door up and then he let out a loud groan and Erestor screamed, a rather high pitched piercing sound. Lindir lay in the bathtub, his head resting on the edge and his face had a terrible expression of grief and pain. He was so ghastly pale and the water was deep red, like he was bathing in blood. Elrond felt sick, too stunned to even react but then one of the guards ran forth and grasped onto the ellon in the tub and more or less hauled him out of there. Lindir was completely limp and Elrond was shaken back to reality by Erestor. He fell to his knees beside the naked body, felt desperately for a pulse but found none. He let out a wail of grief and Erestor moaned, his eyes wide with horror. “M…my lord, look…look at him!”

Elrond looked, and for a moment he was about to pass out. He let out a shriek and grasped onto the body, shook it almost violently. “No! Eru no, please no! Not our little songbird, don’t do this to us!”

He hammered his hand down on the lifeless chest, once, twice, three times. The injuries were horrible, deep red whip marks, bites, cuts, bruises. He saw that someone had tried to choke the minstrel, he had ligature marks on his wrist and some nasty marks around his genitalia too. Erestor was panting. “Eru! He has been…he has been…” 

Elrond panted. “Tortured!”

He whimpered and pressed an ear to the pale chest, moaned as he didn’t hear anything, pounded at the body again. Erestor shook his head. “Elrond, he is… he is dead, let him keep some dignity for pity’s sake.”

Elrond shook his head. “NO, you hear me? Goddamn it, the one guilty of this shall not get away with it, no way. He shall live!”

He hit the prone chest once more and then he bent down and blew air into the lungs, kept trying, kept pushing and blowing and praying. Erestor just sat there in a chair, weeping openly and the guards seemed deeply shocked. The room was silent, only Elrond moved as he again and again tried to get the minstrels heart back to a normal rhythm. After a while he just sat there, too exhausted to continue and he wailed and pulled the lifeless body up against his own body, rocked him like he would have rocked his own children when they were young and hurt. “Oh my beautiful little songbird, why? “ 

Elrond almost screamed as there was a tiny shudder running through the body, and then a shaking breath and he yelled and pressed a finger against the jugular vein. “He is alive, but only barely. Get a stretcher and prepare the other healers, we have a hard battle in front of us!”

Erestor was out of the door so fast his robes looked like a sail behind him and the guards were just behind him. Suddenly there was desperate activity, Elrond shouted orders and the gardeners were told to harvest all the ripe Athelas and the infirmary was put into a complete close down. Nobody was to be told of what had happened and Elrond worked desperately with the unconscious ellon for hours. He was horrified by the injuries and he felt a simmering rage rise within him when he realized that Lindir had been raped, and not just once. He realized that the ellon had tried to end himself but with that sort of injuries he didn’t hold it against him. The shame had to have been horrible, Lindir was so shy and demure, to someone like that this would be way too much to cope with, no matter the circumstance. It wasn’t before the late evening that he could say that Lindir would live, but he had no idea of whether or not he would ever wake up again, or if he would be the same person as before. Everybody knew that something had happened to the minstrel but nobody were told of what and the rumours spread like the plague. Elrond poured healing energy into the body and prayed constantly. Erestor was horrified too and wept for hours and even Glorfindel visited to hear the latest news. The guests left the next day and Elrond didn’t even have the time to bid them goodbye, he just sent them a note explaining that he was needed in the infirmary. He hadn’t liked any of them so it was a welcome excuse in a way. 

It took a week before Lindir did wake up, and he woke up with a bloodcurdling shriek that made one of the servants drop a bedpan and almost pass out. Elrond came running, Lindir sat there in the bed, eyes wide open and bloodshot and horror written all over his fair face. He was making mewling sounds and clawing at the sheets as if he was trying to get away from something and Elrond felt how his heart dropped. Was Lindir’s mind gone? He sat down on the bed and tried to smile. “Lindir? It is me, Elrond, do you…do you know where you are?”

Lindir blinked, the terrified expression on his face almost painful to watch. “E…Elrond. Please…please…” 

The voice was gruff and raw and Lindir was shivering like a maple leaf. Elrond took his hand, stroked it gently. “ I am here Lindir, it is alright, you are safe” 

Lindir let out a wailing sound, it was gruesome. “Don’t let him…don’t let him hurt me again, please, I…I will leave…just don’t let him…” 

Elrond stared, his eyes black with shock and anger and a feeling of absolute disbelief. “Lindir, you don’t have to leave, nobody wants you to leave, you are so precious to us all. Who did this to you? You can tell me” 

The minstrel was shaking almost violently and Elrond started to fear that he was going to have a seizure. “A…Aerion, he was…he was going to…get the …wickedness out of…me”

Elrond felt himself choke, felt the taste of bile in his mouth, he was staring helplessly at the other healer present, a young elleth who just stood there, gaping. “Lindir, What are you talking about? Wickedness? You are the least wicked person alive ellon!”

Lindir wailed, his face had gotten an odd blank expression. “But I am…you are…you are gonna hate me. I am a filthy whore!”

The last words came with a sob and Elrond felt his heart beating like a drum, he gathered all his composure and smiled, gently stroking the minstrel’s long locks. “You can tell me everything Lindir, believe me. Let go of it.” 

Lindir hid his face against Elronds chest, sobbing. Then he started to tell, with a tiny thin voice and Elrond closed his eyes with disbelief and grief. Oh by Manwë and his eagles, this was more than just horrible, it was unbelievable. He rocked Lindir in his arms. “ Lindir, please, listen to me. You are young, and inexperienced and yes, what you did was wrong but you didn’t hurt anyone and it isn’t that odd that you lost control. You are too shy to seek a partner and that is very sad. You should have come to me, I would have helped you get out of that unfortunate habit.”

Lindir gasped. “I was so ashamed, oh Eru,, I wished I was dead!”

Elrond took a deep breath, he had human blood and he had a greater understanding of carnal need than most elves, Lindir had to have been absolutely miserable and in so much shame and doubt. “Shhh, it is over now, and you will be healthy again, and things will be fine, I will help you through this.” 

Lindir froze again. “Aerion, he will…he will hurt me…” 

Elrond shook his head. “No he won’t. He has left days ago, but he will not escape justice. I will send a letter to Thranduil and tell the king of what his subject has done”

Lindir shuddered. “He told me…he told me that he and others…that they choked orcs while raping them. It…it is…” 

Elrond patted his back gently, the poor thing was just skin and bones now. “Absolutely revolting yes, I bet that Aerion and his friends have been injured somehow, their fear darkened.” 

Lindir moaned. “Like an orc” 

Elrond nodded. “Yes, just like an orc, elf on the outside but orc on the inside. “ 

Lindir shivered and Elrond embraced him tightly. “Promise he never will return” 

Elrond nodded, holding Lindir tight. “I swear Lindir, he will never harm you again” 

He stayed there until Lindir fell into a uneasy sleep and then he went straight to his office and wrote a long and rather brimstone smelling letter to Thranduil in which he told in explicit detail what the ellon had done. He sent it with a falcon and hoped that it would reach the woodland palace before the group returned. Thranduil was known for his lack of inhibition and his ability to solve problems very rapidly and with considerable force. Elrond did suspect that Aerion would be dealt with instantly. 

Lindir had to stay in bed for weeks, he was healing but very slowly and he was very weak. His internal injuries were serious and Elrond had to perform some rather unpleasant procedures to repair the worst tears. Lindir often broke down in tears but long conversations with Elrond and Erestor finally managed to convince the young minstrel of the fact that he was a victim and not the one responsible for the horror which had happened to him. It hadn’t been his fault at all, but a sick and twisted mind had found the opportunity to exploit someone trusty and innocent. Lindir had been timid before but now he was even more so, he almost ran and hid when someone came visiting and he couldn’t bare being touched. Only Elrond was allowed to touch him, and the healer tried to make the minstrel love his own body again and accept what had happened and move past it. 

Then a letter arrived from Mirkwood, it was written with Thranduil’s very elegant handwriting but this time the letters appeared to have been tossed onto the paper and Elrond had to grin, a narrow and cold grin. The king of the woodland realm had been genuinely pissed off for sure and Elrond had seen how white hot the rage of that one burned once unleashed. Aerion had been dealt with, that was all it said but a smaller letter followed, written by one of the king’s counsellors. It told that Aerion had been decapitated by the king in front of the whole court after he had been made to confess his crimes. Elrond had to think to himself that the piece of filth had gotten a death way swifter and more merciful than he deserved but they were elves, not humans or orcs. Namo would have to deal with that one and he was rather sure that even the lord of the dead would find that job repulsive. Perhaps Aerion would share a room in the halls with Eöl and others like him. 

But Lindir did slowly emerge from his shell, it took years and everybody knew the truth now, and they all tried to avoid making Lindir uncomfortable. He would still have panic attacks and run off, but they got fewer and fewer. Lindir would often sleep in a couch, leaned up against Elrond and the healer had to admit that he was very fond of the minstrel. The trust he showed was very endearing and he had always liked the beautiful young ellon. He just doubted that Lindir ever would want to become intimate with anyone again. He was just so very damaged by the horrible experience. Then he started having nightmares and Elrond tried to avoid giving him sleeping medicine, knowing that he had a problem with addiction. Instead he would let Lindir sleep with him in his own bed, it was more than large enough for two and for some reason the minstrel never had nightmares there. He would cuddle up against the lord like a puppy and sleep like a child and Elrond found it truly endearing. 

It was like that for some short years, then it was obvious that Lindir’s body had overcome the trauma and Elrond did notice that the young elf sometimes would writhe in his sleep, moaning softly and being visibly aroused. He did never awaken though, and he just laid there. Elrond didn’t say anything and he didn’t touch Lindir in any manner. Then one night Lindir did awaken, and he was mortified. He curled up in a ball, too ashamed to speak even and Elrond had to ensure him of his worth once again, telling him nothing was wrong with him, that it was natural, and not a shame. Lindir did calm down and he did go back to sleep too. Elrond was so relieved, there was hope still. 

Most times Elrond would just turn around and ignore it when Lindir had that sort of dreams, or woke up aroused. But one night he did wake up with Lindir pressed up against his own body and the young elf was more or less rubbing himself against his bed partner, moaning. Elrond had reacted too, it was rather hard not to and Lindir woke up with a start and was so shocked he just laid there trembling. Elrond realized that nothing he said would comfort the minstrel so he decided that action spoke deeper than words. He grasped onto the shivering ellon and pulled them closer to each other, whispering soft soothing words, reassuring Lindir that it was alright, that he didn’t mind, that he too had needs and wants. Lindir just whimpered, but started moving again, his crotch sliding against Elrond’s and the healer kissed the minstrel gently and reached down, grasped onto them both and brought them to a rather shaky and unexpected climax. Lindir almost screamed when he came, still afraid of his own feelings and so insecure and scared. Elrond just held him through it, whispering gently, encouraging him. The minstrel almost passed out but the fact that Elrond too had his pleasure sort of convinced him that yes, it was alright. Lindir wept with relief afterwards, and he admitted that it was way better than doing it alone, even when he was watching someone. Elrond knew that he by doing this had taken it a step further, they weren’t just friends anymore but lovers and he swore that he would take care of Lindir and never betray the trust the young minstrel showed him. 

In the weeks following they dared to go a little further and Elrond let Lindir set the pace, he never pushed the younger elf into anything, he did make small suggestions but Lindir was the one to decide whether or not they would do it. He loved to show Lindir that his body still was capable of creating great joy, that it wasn’t filthy or soiled in any manner. That he was desirable and beautiful. Lindir flourished once more, the shadows were still there, hiding in his mind but they didn’t have the power to ruin him anymore.  
About a year later Elrond was convinced that Lindir was healed enough to take it one step further, and that night they did make love for real. He let the young elf top him first, just to show him that it was alright and that he trusted him. Lindir wasn’t afraid at all when Elrond took him, just a wee bit nervous but Elrond was very gentle and careful and he made sure that Lindir was well prepared and that he felt only pleasure. When the minstrel came screaming Elrond’s name he just knew that it was over, it was behind them now, Lindir had overcome the horror and his fëa had escaped unscathed. It was a miracle and one that made Elrond feel very humble. 

Everybody knew that the two of them was a couple now and Elrond wept the night Lindir told him that he loved him, and had for years. He confessed that he shared the same feelings and that night they spoke their vows and swore to stay together. Elrond was still married to Celebrian but he knew that she would accept Lindir the day they left middle earth, her heart was large enough for two and if the valar did protest well then screw them. The heart is a palace with an infinite number of rooms and Elrond would never regret marrying Lindir. The minstrel became more lovely than ever before, the knowledge that he was safe and loved made him practically radiant and Elrond was so very proud of him. He got his voice back and the years to come he became rather famous and sought after and Elrond had to think that Aerion in one way almost had to be thanked for their newfound love and happiness, but only almost! And Lindir never again needed to sneak down to the river at night, Elrond made sure that he was content and satisfied in every possible manner and so his unfortunate addiction became a thing of the past, barely remembered and never again mentioned, just the way it should be.


End file.
